


Epiphany (2007)

by JennyB



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Community: 30kisses, Epiphanies, Falling In Love, Fantasizing, Gen, Staring
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-04-09
Updated: 2007-04-09
Packaged: 2018-07-12 02:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7081819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyB/pseuds/JennyB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While stuck in an inn, Sanzo does some soul searching and comes to an unexpected conclusion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Epiphany (2007)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the LJ community 30kisses, prompt#1 - 'look over here'

Sanzo pursed his lips together as he exhaled, the smoke circling around him in lazy, white wisps. They'd been stuck in this hellhole for nearly three days now – the only road out of town had been blocked by a rockslide. The townspeople were working diligently to clear it, but progress was not going as quickly as he would have liked. Of course, they did have the option to backtrack and find an alternate route, but by the time they returned to their present position, it was likely that the road would be cleared anyway. So, he had decided that they would wait it out. The other three had made no protest to his announcement, and were currently enjoying a much needed rest. The blond's brow furrowed slightly; suddenly, it seemed far too quiet in their little hotel room. His violet eyes narrowed assessingly as he looked up from his paper to take in his surroundings.

Gojyo was sitting on the end of the one bed, a cigarette dangling precariously from his mouth, and he was thoroughly engrossed in some pornographic magazine. If the dazed expression on his face was anything to go by, he was more than appreciative of the subject matter, and Sanzo doubted that he was reading the articles. _'Fucking letch...'_ the blond thought to himself as he continued his visual sweep of the room.

Goku was sprawled on his back beside the redhead, about a dozen empty food cartons and containers littering the area around him. Sanzo felt his stomach turn, and he bit back the urge to make him clean it up. Living in a silent mess was infinitely better than having to listen to the shorter brunet whine if he was put to task. At present, he was alternating between playing with Hakuryu and feeding him raisins, all the while telling the little dragon about all of the foods he loved and why. Thus far, it had been an extensive, and somewhat familiar, list, and as yet, it showed no sign of nearing its end. Sanzo gritted his teeth and loosed an impatient snort. At least the saru wasn't singing about it. This time. _'God help him if he fucking starts...'_

Then there was Hakkai… He felt a shiver run down his spine at the thought of the other's name. The slender brunet was happily puttering away in the room's small kitchenette, seemingly oblivious to his surroundings as he tidied up and made preparations for dinner. After taking a sip of tea from his cup, Sanzo lowered his paper a little more and peered over the rims of his reading glasses to get a clearer, unobstructed view of the other man.

The blond felt like some sort of voyeur as he surreptitiously watched Hakkai; a habit he found he'd fallen into quite a lot, lately, and one that he was more than happy to indulge in. He wasn't entirely sure when he'd consciously taken up this little hobby of his – he suspected it was shortly after all that Chin Yisou business – but over time, he had started to see the gentle brunet as something more than just one of his travelling companions. Of course, he would never admit this to another living soul; hell, he barely acknowledged his own feelings himself. As it was, the idea both excited and terrified him, and _always_ got his heart racing.

Sanzo cast a quick glance back to the other two and, seeing they were suitably occupied, he returned his gaze to the kitchen. His eyes darkened slightly as they roved over the fitted black shirt Hakkai wore under his tunic. He admired the way that it ever so slightly skimmed the lissom form, accenting the demon's svelte physique. He idly wondered if the brunet knew how attractive he was and deliberately feigned ignorance, or if he genuinely had no clue. Smirking to himself, Sanzo figured it had to be the latter; Hakkai was nowhere near as vain as Gojyo, and certainly didn't flaunt his looks.

Still, it wasn't as if he had to imagine all that hard as to what Hakkai looked like underneath his clothing. He'd seen him many times over in the various saunas, hot springs and public baths they'd been to over the course of their travels – and it wasn't as if any of them were exactly shy around each other. Sometimes, he would peek just a _little_ longer than normal decency would permit, often wondering what he would say if he ever was caught. Sanzo sighed inwardly; part of him wanted more than anything to trace along the planes of the brunet's chest, to feel the soft skin beneath his fingers. He thought about the long scar Hakkai had on his belly. He knew that it was a very sensitive area, and that from time to time it would ache, but he also wondered if it could be an erogenous zone.

The monk's eyes widened slightly at that thought, and he hurriedly returned to his reading. He'd gone maybe a couple of paragraphs when his mind began to wander once more, keeping him from concentrating on the printed words. Irritably, he stabbed out the remnants of his cigarette and immediately lit up another, exhaling sharply and scowling. _'Stupid bastard won't even leave me alone in my thoughts now,'_ he groused mentally, although he knew that the green-eyed demon really had nothing to do with his current predicament – not directly, anyway. Slowly, he lowered his newspaper to once again watch what Hakkai was doing.

The brunet was chopping vegetables; Sanzo thought that he'd mentioned something about making shabu shabu for them... He watched Hakkai's hands as he worked, noting with silent admiration how well he handled the blade, the movements quick, yet fluid and graceful – just like everything else the demon did. Again, the blond smirked. If a man's walk could be described as 'pretty', it would describe Hakkai's. And that sash he so frequently wore only enhanced that trait, calling attention to his narrow waist and the way his hips swayed slightly with his movements. A sub-vocal growl rumbled in Sanzo's throat, and in disgust, he forced his attention back to a very uninteresting article on taro root. _'I'm starting to sound like that perverted kappa now,'_ he chastised himself.

It wasn't long before Sanzo's reading could no longer hold his attention. Staring blankly at the printed words, he silently admitted to himself that yes, he did find Hakkai to be very attractive, and were he ever to find himself in a position to be with the other male on a more personal and intimate level, he would do so without a second thought. But, his brain immediately went on the defensive, maintaining that there was more to it than just a simple, physical infatuation. _That_ was the argument he used to justify his lusting over the brunet. Granted, he wanted him for his body, but he also wanted him for his heart, mind and soul, too. A small gasp escaped him at that startling revelation, everything coming together with such finite clarity that he wondered why he'd never made the connection before. _He loved Hakkai._

The other side of his psyche tried to argue, to refute all of it. Why, the very idea was preposterous! He was a monk, and Hakkai was nothing more than a friend to him; a casual acquaintance, even. It was just that being cooped up with him and the other two jackasses was starting to affect him, and once they were back on the road again, he'd be fine, this whole situation just another fleeting memory.

_'Then if that's true, you should be able to look at him and deny it again with equal vehemence.'_

Violet eyes narrowed defiantly and, as if to prove a point to himself, he looked up once again. This time, he was struck by the way the light caught the brilliant green of his eyes, and he found himself aching to have them turn his way. He smiled at how the longish chestnut bangs seemed to stick up in a haphazard array, no matter what he did, and he found himself wondering if the wild tresses were as thick and silky as they looked. Dropping his gaze slightly, he noted the gentle half-smile the other wore, and he found himself longing to kiss him, to feel those full, soft lips against his own. Idly, he wondered what the brunet would taste like. He figured probably spicy with a hint of sweetness – like anise or cinnamon. "Shit," he muttered aloud before his expression turned contemplative, his eyes still locked on the dark haired man.

The brunet sometimes seemed to possess a playfulness and innocence that worked to temper the darker, more sinister aspects of his persona, blending to create not a perfect individual, but an individual who was perfect _for him_. Someone who could readily put up with his acerbic personality, deal with his distrust, guardedness and general bullshit. Someone he could be himself around. Someone he could see himself with in the future. His gentle tamer. And, damn it, he did love him.

"Was there something you wanted, Sanzo?" Hakkai asked suddenly, a hint of a smirk visible on those supple lips. Shaken from his reverie, the blond looked up to see the brunet lift his head slightly to pin him with those brilliant, green eyes, a hint of amusement sparkling in their depths.

_'I was just hoping you'd look over here, let me see your beautiful eyes, let me kiss you, let me love you...'_ his mind replied longingly even as his mouth bit out a brusque, "Don't flatter yourself." He felt his cheeks heat with the stain of a blush, and shuffling his paper a little higher, he hid his face behind it under the guise of reading, now completely mortified.

For a moment, the brunet could only blink silently at him, slightly stunned and more than a little confused by the comment. But then, he chuckled softly and returned his attention to the vegetables he was chopping. "I'm sorry," he replied with a grin. "I had no idea I was being so arrogant. I'll try to be more unassuming in the future."

"Shut up, Hakkai," Sanzo replied with a smirk as he lit up another cigarette. _'You're fine exactly the way you are.'_


End file.
